Trust (yourself) but verify

We are motivated by our desires, aren’t we? And it seems that our goal is to indulge ourselves. Would you agree? Unfortunately, the duties and life necessities are on the way, and we are looking forward to the time (or dream about it) when we are free of our obligations and do whatever we want. That is one–quite common, I think–view of the human condition.

There are also resolutions and commitments we struggle to maintain, although, at some point, we wanted to keep them very much. Why can we not go through on that solemn promise to ourselves or others? We even feel self-conscious about it and yet cannot help it. That is the second–not less common, I think–situation each of us gets into once in a while.

And the third case I am observing quite often too is when there is no motivation to do anything. There is no external pressure of duties (or we just ignore them). But there is the sense of the sameness and absence of excitement and the presence of what’s-the-point attitude. It renders us quite incapable neither to perform our chores nor even to dream about the time when we do not have any obligations. Because we do not have (or ignore them) already, but still do not experience the excitement of the so much coveted freedom. And we hear that it is one of the most widespread plagues among the wealthy folks, especially those who got their riches not themselves.

What’s going on? It sounds like a contradiction, which–as I have written before–indicates to me a potential insightful discovery. And that is what I have discovered while resolving it.

It well may be that you know the answer. If so, I am very happy for you. As for me, I have thought about it–now and again–for many years, until–only recently!–I was able to resolve it to my satisfaction.

In the rest of this article, I am going to share my discovery with you. It is not something completely new. Each piece one can find in many books, teachings, and personal experiences of many people, including probably you too. But for me, it was not as clear as it is now. And I am very happy to close this line of inquiry in my life. Here what I came to.

Again, nothing new, and I do not expect it to be a revelation to you either. I am just sharing. Just in case it may be helpful to you a little bit too.

Human living conditions improved substantially for the last few thousand years and even more so for the last few hundred years and especially for the last few scores of years. Before that, human life was mostly a struggle for survival. We just could not afford the luxury of plenty and free time.

There were exceptions (always are). But I am talking about the majority of people. Even the kings and tribe leaders had to spend much of their time to maintain the status quo. Many of them were overthrown and killed. Life was not easy for anybody.

And suddenly–almost “overnight” on the evolutionary time scale–we achieved the condition our ancient ancestors could only dream about. Fridge, working hard, preserving our food. Always dry roof and warm shelter. Comfortable cloth, cars, food at the hand’s reach at all times.

There is no push for survival anymore. Our ancestors could not ignore hunger, so they had to do something about it. But our desire to have the latest gadget or the things our neighbor has can be ignored. It is not, at least as a strong motivator as a life-threatening condition.

Our instincts remain the same. They push us to follow our desires. But our desires lost the support of external pressure. They became more ephemeral. Without the need for survival, our life does not make sense anymore. The global warming or nuclear winter scares are much more remote than the dangers we used to have, so they do not trigger in us an automatic desire to act.

So, we got our dream conditions but have to figure yet how to live in such an environment. The leisure and comfort (if comparing with living in a cave, fighting with wild animals) destroy us like sugar destroys our teeth. And what is worse, we do not realize it. We do not have such an intuition. We still aspire even more leisure and comfort, less physical and mental exhaustion, and we are getting it to our demise. What a contradiction!

As parents, we work hard to create security for our kids and then get surprised when they are not motivated to do something meaningful. When we insist, they give us, “What’s the point?” We feel frustrated or outraged by such an attitude while they are just honest. Really, what’s the point?

My answer is life satisfaction. It comes from within. Not because of some higher purpose of human life. But because we–our body and mind–happened to be set this way by the millions of years of conditioning.

That’s why the sense of life satisfaction comes from the mind-body connection. It comes from the understanding of who we are and how we got here in millions of years. If you get it, if you think about this expanse of time, envision our ancestors, their life, and see in ourselves the consequences, the inheritance, and belonging, then you start noticing different desires–more pertinent and healthier.

If your lifestyle is sedentary, you start feeling the need to do more physical activity. If you overeat, you start feeling how it wears you down and how better you feel after fasting. If you mostly consume other people’s results, you start producing something yourself and get the life satisfaction form it, even if it is just a newsletter to your friends. :))

Trust your desires, but be aware of their thrust and depth. Are they in line with your nature?

That is my conclusion and discovery I wanted to share with you.

With all the best, Nick.