I have written already that every nation considers themselves somewhat better than others and special. Similar feeling each of us has towards self when compared to others. This feeling weakens as time goes by. It weakens even faster with each failure one experiences.
We excuse ourselves easier than we forgive others. We often do not notice our own deficiencies and mistakes and are surprised that other people take offense and resent us or misunderstand us at least. We excuse ourselves by taking into account our intentions and judge others by the results of their (in)actions.
It is impossible to see other people intentions as clear as their actions, so we guess about them. I have written about the mirror neurons that help us to do it. Another source of the discrepancy is the fact that we value what we can and what we need, while other people value what they can and what they need.
Yet, the researchers Tal Eyal (Ben-Gurion University) и Nicholas Epley (University of Chicago) recommend a different approach for the mutual understanding. In their article “How to Seem Telepathic“, they describe the experiments that demonstrate our tendency to evaluate ourselves “in relatively fine-grained, low-level, and contextually based detail,” whereas we tend to evaluate others “in more generalized, high-level, and abstract detail.”
Here is what they write: “A person is likely to evaluate his or her own attractiveness, for instance, by focusing on fine-grained details of hair placement, facial expressions, or clothing, whereas others evaluate the same person by attending to more general characteristics, such as gender, ethnicity, or overall presentation. Similarly, a teacher is likely to evaluate his or her lecture by considering specific words, phrases, or details on visual materials, whereas audience members are likely to evaluate the overall content and general delivery style.”
That’s why the authors recommend, to improve the mutual understanding, trying to see yourself the way the others see you (“consider higher-level and general features”) as if you do not know many details about yourself. At the same time, to understand the others better, pay more attention to the details that might be important to them.
Well, the science again confirmed the old wisdom that, one achieves a better understanding of others when tries to wear their shoes. Empathy is the key (lock picking tool?) for the mutual understanding (manipulation?). The same tool can be used to help and to harm. So, be proactive using this tool to do good and be aware how others may use it against you.
Good question!
A penguin walks in a bar and asks the bartender:
– Have you seen my father?
The bartender answers:
– I don’t know. How does he look like?
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